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衡水家教| 亲子教育:让孩子懂得爱跟规矩都很重要

2017-12-16 15:50| 发布者: admin| 查看: 711| 评论: 0

导读:“不以规矩,无以成方圆。”相信各位家长都听过这么一段话,教会孩子规矩很重要,只有用爱的方式去给孩子规则,孩子才能感受到规则是爱的一部分。

"No rules, no square." I believe that all parents have heard such a passage, it is very important to teach children rules, only by loving the rules of the child, children can feel the rule is a part of love.


  生活中,“惩罚”已经成了很多家长最常用、最爱用的杀手锏了,的确很好用,也很省事,似乎身边所有的家长都是这么做的。那么,大家都认可的选择就一定是最科学的吗?当然不是,只是因为这是大家最无奈的选择,除了这“招”我们的确想不出什么好“招”了,这里要告诉您一些可以代替惩罚的好方法,供您参考。

In life, "punishment" has become the most commonly used and favorite killer of many parents. It is really easy to use and convenient to use, and it seems that all the parents are doing it. So, is the choice that everyone approves must be the most scientific? Of course not, just because it was everybody's most helpless choice, in addition to the "action" we really can't think of any good "move", here to tell you some can be a good way to instead of punishment, for your reference.

本文由衡水家教www.0318hy.com整理

衡水家教| 亲子教育:让孩子懂得爱跟规矩都很重要5485


一、对于惩罚的认识:

Knowledge of punishment:


  1、惩罚给孩子带来的感受:敌意、仇恨、抗拒、罪恶感、没有价值感、自怜;
  2、孩子在惩罚中会把精力分散到如何报复家长上面,错失了对自己不当行为的反悔以及思考修正错误的机会。不利于孩子发自内心地认识错误,改正错误;
  3、惩罚作为一种行为是会被孩子效仿的,“以强欺弱”会成为他面对问题的处理方式。
  4、孩子受到的惩罚,会减轻他们对错误行为的内疚感,他们认为“惩罚”可以抵消他们的“罪行”,可以心安理得地重复自己的错误;
  5、专家认为一个孩子应该经历自己不当行为所带来的自然后果,而不是受罚。让他感到,在一个相互关心的亲子关系中,是没有惩罚的。

1. The feeling of punishment for children: hostility, hatred, resistance, guilt, lack of value, self-pity;

2. In punishment, the child will scatter his energy on how to retaliate against the parents, and he will miss out on the remorse for his improper behavior and the opportunity to think about correct mistakes. It is not good for children to know mistakes from the heart and correct mistakes.

3. Punishment as a kind of behavior is imitated by children, and "bullying weak" will become his way of dealing with problems.

4. The punishment that the child receives will relieve their guilt about the wrong behavior. They believe that "punishment" can counteract their "crimes" and be able to repeat their mistakes with ease;

5. Experts believe that a child should experience the natural consequences of his improper behavior, not punishment. Let him feel that there is no punishment in a parent-child relationship of mutual interest.


二、代替惩罚的七个技巧及案例参考:

Seven tips and case references for punishment:


  1、转移注意力:把孩子对“问题”行为的注意力转移到帮助家长做事或者有趣的事情上:
  1. Divert attention: turn your child's attention to "problem" behavior to something that helps parents do things or interesting things:


  2、明确表达强烈不同意的立场(但不攻击孩子的人格),让孩子了解问题本身的影响:
  2. Express strongly and strongly disagree (but not attack the child's personality), and let the child understand the impact of the problem itself:


  3、表明你的期望:对于已经发生的错误不过分追究,并表明对孩子下次行为的期望:
3. Show your expectations: don't go overboard with the mistakes that have already occurred, and show your expectations for the next behavior of your child:


  4、提供选择:提供给孩子合理的、且我们能接受的选择,给他被尊重感,而不是被强迫感。

4. Provide choices: provide a reasonable and acceptable choice for the child and give him a sense of respect, not a sense of coercion.


 

衡水家教| 亲子教育:让孩子懂得爱跟规矩都很重要5882


三、针对特别顽固且不易改正的习惯,可以采取相对复杂的措施:
  结合案例分析理解:孩子晚上总想玩耍、说话,不愿意睡觉。
  第一步:讨论孩子的感受和需求。
  如:坐在一起,问问孩子睡觉前都喜欢做什么?
  第二步:说出你的感受和需求。
  如:告诉孩子妈妈每天上班很累,需要早点睡觉、得到休息。
  第三步:一起讨论解决问题的方法,把所有的想法都写下来(不带任何评论)。
  一边讨论,一边将双方所有的想法逐一记录,让孩子有受尊重感和参与决定感,更利于提高孩子日后行动的主动性。
   第四步:挑出哪些建议你们接受,哪些不接受,哪些需要付诸行动。(家长也应给予适当的让步,会带动孩子主动的让步)
  第五步:找到大家都同意的解决方法,总结达成共识的意见,双方共同努力完成。
 

四、要点提示:
  1、当我们发生冲突时,不要把精力用于彼此的对抗,或者担心谁输谁赢。而是把能量和精力放在解决问题上,寻找一种方法,让我们的个人需求都得到尊重;
  2、在气头上时,暂时不要开始“解决问题”,当自己足够冷静时再开始。再科学的语言技巧如果是叉腰瞪眼下说的都是不会有效果的;
  3、挑选建议时,不要评价“主意不好”、“那不行”,而是记录每个想法,让想法得到尊重;
  4、当一个计划执行一段时间后,贯彻不下去,可以选择回到老路,也可以选择再做计划;
  5、如果孩子不愿意坐下来商量解决问题,可以用便条方式表达我们的想法:(适合相对较大的孩子)


  “亲爱的,我想听一听关于….的问题,你是怎么想的?你是不是觉得……,我觉得…..,请告诉我你有什么解决方法,我们都能接受。爱你的爸爸”


  惩罚原本是以让孩子改正问题为目的,却常常最终成为我们发泄自己情绪的借口,我们痛快了,可是孩子却受伤了。多一些对孩子的尊重、会多一份孩子对您的尊敬,让我们一起努力。

The punishment is for children to fix their problems, but it often ends up being an excuse for us to vent our emotions. We are happy, but the child is hurt. A little more respect for your children, a lot of children's respect for you, let us work together.

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